You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
