That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
