I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
