i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
