For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
