My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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