the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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