Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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