If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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