Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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