I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
