everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
