I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
