I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
