how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize