Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
