i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
