People with herpes should wear stickers.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
