Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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