The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
