Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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