I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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