Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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