in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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