He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
