My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
