He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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