apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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