Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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