so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
