Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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