I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
