I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
