What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize