she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
