Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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