im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
