Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
