Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I touched a dick in church today
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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