I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
