but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Randomize
