there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize