im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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