he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Less talking, more tequila
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
