I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
