she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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