just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
