Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
