This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
