But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
