Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My ATM looks so different sober.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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