i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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