i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
