That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
