I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
