my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
