somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
