I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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