If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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