u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize