I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
