so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
