he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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