Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
